20 June 2010 @ 09:50 pm
Fic: Attack of the Ferrets  

Title: Attack of the Ferrets
Rating: PG
Characters: Billy/Penny/Captain Hammer
Word Count: 583
Summary: Penny buys a pet, Captain Hammer disaproves, and Billy's experiments cause havoc. Again.
Warnings: Random and sort of cracky. 
A/N: This is for [livejournal.com profile] smthwallflower, who requested Hammer/Billy/Penny, Ferrets, and Multiplying. For some reason she's become really obsessed with ferrets lately - or rather, not with ferrets, but with "the idea of ferrets". Yeah. It didn't make sense to me either :P Also I'm using this for my [livejournal.com profile] fanfic100 prompt Family.


 

“We’ve got a new addition to our family,” Penny beamed at Captain Hammer and Billy as she walked into the living room.

They both stared at her in shock. “You’re... you’re pregnant?” Billy asked eventually, his voice several octaves higher than normal.

“What? Oh, no, definitely not.” Penny giggled. “Sorry, I should’ve been clearer.” She held up a plastic pet carrier. “I’ve bought a ferret!” she exclaimed happily.

“...Why?” Captain Hammer asked, still sounding a little shocked.

“I had one when I was a kid,” Penny explained. “She was called Katie, she was so sweet. I’ve wanted another one for ages.” She unclipped the front of the basket and lifted out the ferret.  “I’ve named her Maple.”

Billy patted her awkwardly. “She’s very sweet.”

“Would you like to stroke her?” Penny asked Captain Hammer.

He flinched away. “Um, no... I’m okay.”

“C’mon...” she said walking towards him.

Captain Hammer backed away. “No, I have important... heroic stuff to do.”

“Are you afraid of ferrets?” Billy asked, smirking.

No,” Captain Hammer retorted. Penny took another step closer and he responded by leaping several feet backwards, letting out a cry of panic that was rather higher pitched than he would have liked.

Billy laughed. “Wimp.”

“I’m not scared,” Captain Hammer snapped. “I just don’t like them. Can’t we get rid of it?”

“Captain Hammer,” Penny said sternly. “Maple is part of the family now. Besides,” she continued, softening her voice. “She’s just one little ferret. You’ll get used to her.”

--

One little ferret, you said,” Captain Hammer accused. He was kneeling on the kitchen table, attempting to keep as far away from the edges as he possibly could, and staring in horror at the dozens of ferrets swarming over the floor.

“I didn’t know she’d get into Billy’s lab,” Penny snapped as she tried to herd several out from behind the fridge.

Billy sighed. “I only left the door open for a minute,” he mumbled guiltily. “On the plus side,” he added, brightening considerably, “This proves my Multiplication Ray is working, because I wasn’t sure if the Superium was concentrated enough, and I thought I might need some Objectium crystals for it to work on organic molecules...” He trailed off in the face of Penny and Captain Hammer’s twin glares. “But I can tell you about that later,” he muttered, busying himself by pulling a couple of ferrets out from under the oven.

Captain Hammer scowled at the floor. “Why were you even building a Multiplication-thingy?”

“Well...” Billy blushed. “You know how Penny’s always saying the Caring Hands shelter never has enough food? I thought I could invent a ray that would multiply the food, so they’d never have to go hungry.”

Penny turned around. “Oh, Billy,” she said softly, all trace of annoyance gone from her face. “I do love you.” She stepped forward and kissed him gently. “Even if your experiments are rather prone to going wrong,” she teased as she pulled away.

“Very sweet,” Captain Hammer cut in, “But this doesn’t solve the ferret problem. If only they had a homeless shelter to go to,” he jokingly added.

Penny’s eyes widened. “That’s it!” she said excitedly. “We can start a ferret shelter! We can look after unwanted ferrets and find new homes for them.”

“We won’t be short of ferret food either,” Billy added, keen to try out his new ray.

Captain Hammer looked between the pair of them and, with a groan of defeat, buried his face in his hands.

 


 
 
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[identity profile] stolensmile14.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2010 08:57 pm (UTC)
this is so cuute!
i love it.
:)
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2010 09:08 pm (UTC)
Heh, quick commenting! Thanks, I wasn't sure if this worked or not. :)
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[identity profile] smthwallflower.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2010 09:25 pm (UTC)
I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT AHH!HH!H!!H!H!HH!!H!

SKGHie! So awesome!!!

I loved them thinking Penny was pregnant, and Captain Hammer being scared of it, and Billy teasing him about it, and the MILLIONS of ferrets and how Captain Hammer's all, “One little ferret, you said,” and Penny's all, don't you give me no sass! And Billy's all sheepsih and adorable and Maple getting into the lab and the ferret homeless shelter and Billy being sweet and Penny loving him and Hammer being a dink and scared of the ferrets and ALL OF IT CAUSE IT'S POSSIBLY MORE AWESOME THAN MY AWESOME CAKE, WHICH IS A WHOLE LOT OF FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!

It good. :)

And no one caring about how Billy's invention worked :) <3
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[identity profile] smthwallflower.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2010 10:00 pm (UTC)
I also love Billy patting Maple awkwardly. And this whole thing...
:D
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2010 12:37 pm (UTC)
Haha, you realise you retold the entire story in your comment? :P

I'm so pleased it lived up to your crazy ferret obsession ^_^ Thanks for the awesome comment that is more awesome than your pile of tic tac boxes cake ;)

(Also, I'm still ridiculously amused at the image of Penny saying "Don't you give me no sass" xD )
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[identity profile] jamie55.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2010 10:06 pm (UTC)
lmao!
Oh I do love the ferret's name and how sweet Billy is =)
Very very good Hammer - as per us. ;)
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2010 12:44 pm (UTC)
You can thank [livejournal.com profile] smthwallflower for the name, I asked her what her favorite name for a pet was and she said Maple. :)

Hehe, thanks! I loooooove writing OT3!Hammer. Billy and Penny are fun too, but Hammer is just great :D
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[identity profile] nebulasan.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2010 10:44 pm (UTC)
I loved it a lot and I can see it happening.
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2010 12:47 pm (UTC)
Awww, thanks! I always worry that I'm making the characters OOC or that the story won't make sense to anyone who isn't me, so I'm really glad you find it believable :)
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[identity profile] idioticonion.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2010 03:26 am (UTC)
Awwwwwwww! This was so sweet! Now it's really bugging me because I can't remember the name of Billy's ferret in all of lilithisbitter's stories. Trog-something? It was because Carl had a ferret in Starship Troopers...

My brain is fried, sorry! :-)
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2010 12:39 pm (UTC)
TROGDOR!!! Ferrets should become fanon for Dr. Horrible :D

Thanks for commenting!
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Hel[personal profile] hel on June 21st, 2010 04:34 am (UTC)
D'awww! So cute. Billy/Penny/Hammar is such an awesome relationship.
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2010 12:49 pm (UTC)
Haha, it really is :D I just wish more people wrote it!!
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[identity profile] luccamajere.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
LOL. XD This is awesome.

I love that Hammer is scared of them.

Aww Billy why are you so cute? XD;;
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2010 07:05 pm (UTC)
Heh, well he does seem kind of scared of the ducks when he goes on the date with Penny, I guess he just doesn't like animals? xD

And yes, Billy is adorable *squishes*
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[identity profile] luccamajere.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2010 07:10 pm (UTC)
LOL, I always thought that was because he didn't want to get his clothes/personage all dirty. XD
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Zoi: Kikasa Bunny[identity profile] zoi-no-miko.livejournal.com on June 22nd, 2010 12:58 pm (UTC)
Awwwww <3 This is ridiculously adorable crack.
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on June 22nd, 2010 08:43 pm (UTC)
Hehe, thank you! OT3 crack is one of my favorite things to write :D
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[identity profile] darkly-ironic.livejournal.com on June 23rd, 2010 01:19 am (UTC)
Aww, so sweet! I love it! Ferrets are awfully cute. : D
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on June 23rd, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
I know :) <3

Thanks!
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[identity profile] stuckreading.livejournal.com on July 1st, 2010 05:54 am (UTC)
haha this is so awesome!!! i love how hammer is so scared of ferrets and there are dosens all over so awesome!
hehe ferrets are crazy / weird :P
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[identity profile] sazz-k.livejournal.com on July 1st, 2010 07:10 pm (UTC)
Heh, thanks! He's not keen on animals :P
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