Fic: Attack of the Ferrets

[vettysazzy]

Title: Attack of the Ferrets
Rating: PG
Characters: Billy/Penny/Captain Hammer
Word Count: 583
Summary: Penny buys a pet, Captain Hammer disaproves, and Billy's experiments cause havoc. Again.
Warnings: Random and sort of cracky. 
A/N: This is for smthwallflower, who requested Hammer/Billy/Penny, Ferrets, and Multiplying. For some reason she's become really obsessed with ferrets lately - or rather, not with ferrets, but with "the idea of ferrets". Yeah. It didn't make sense to me either :P Also I'm using this for my fanfic100 prompt Family.

 

“We’ve got a new addition to our family,” Penny beamed at Captain Hammer and Billy as she walked into the living room.

They both stared at her in shock. “You’re... you’re pregnant?” Billy asked eventually, his voice several octaves higher than normal.

“What? Oh, no, definitely not.” Penny giggled. “Sorry, I should’ve been clearer.” She held up a plastic pet carrier. “I’ve bought a ferret!” she exclaimed happily.

“...Why?” Captain Hammer asked, still sounding a little shocked.

“I had one when I was a kid,” Penny explained. “She was called Katie, she was so sweet. I’ve wanted another one for ages.” She unclipped the front of the basket and lifted out the ferret.  “I’ve named her Maple.”

Billy patted her awkwardly. “She’s very sweet.”

“Would you like to stroke her?” Penny asked Captain Hammer.

He flinched away. “Um, no... I’m okay.”

“C’mon...” she said walking towards him.

Captain Hammer backed away. “No, I have important... heroic stuff to do.”

“Are you afraid of ferrets?” Billy asked, smirking.

“No,” Captain Hammer retorted. Penny took another step closer and he responded by leaping several feet backwards, letting out a cry of panic that was rather higher pitched than he would have liked.

Billy laughed. “Wimp.”

“I’m not scared,” Captain Hammer snapped. “I just don’t like them. Can’t we get rid of it?”

“Captain Hammer,” Penny said sternly. “Maple is part of the family now. Besides,” she continued, softening her voice. “She’s just one little ferret. You’ll get used to her.”

--

“One little ferret, you said,” Captain Hammer accused. He was kneeling on the kitchen table, attempting to keep as far away from the edges as he possibly could, and staring in horror at the dozens of ferrets swarming over the floor.

“I didn’t know she’d get into Billy’s lab,” Penny snapped as she tried to herd several out from behind the fridge.

Billy sighed. “I only left the door open for a minute,” he mumbled guiltily. “On the plus side,” he added, brightening considerably, “This proves my Multiplication Ray is working, because I wasn’t sure if the Superium was concentrated enough, and I thought I might need some Objectium crystals for it to work on organic molecules...” He trailed off in the face of Penny and Captain Hammer’s twin glares. “But I can tell you about that later,” he muttered, busying himself by pulling a couple of ferrets out from under the oven.

Captain Hammer scowled at the floor. “Why were you even building a Multiplication-thingy?”

“Well...” Billy blushed. “You know how Penny’s always saying the Caring Hands shelter never has enough food? I thought I could invent a ray that would multiply the food, so they’d never have to go hungry.”

Penny turned around. “Oh, Billy,” she said softly, all trace of annoyance gone from her face. “I do love you.” She stepped forward and kissed him gently. “Even if your experiments are rather prone to going wrong,” she teased as she pulled away.

“Very sweet,” Captain Hammer cut in, “But this doesn’t solve the ferret problem. If only they had a homeless shelter to go to,” he jokingly added.

Penny’s eyes widened. “That’s it!” she said excitedly. “We can start a ferret shelter! We can look after unwanted ferrets and find new homes for them.”

“We won’t be short of ferret food either,” Billy added, keen to try out his new ray.

Captain Hammer looked between the pair of them and, with a groan of defeat, buried his face in his hands.